Complaint or Criticism?

I will be writing about the gentle art of offering feedback or constructive criticism. But first some clarification of the difference between a (constructive) criticism and a complaint. They are different, and offering them for the right reasons and in the right way involves different techniques.

Stephanie Dowrick suggests we always question our motives before offering criticism, asking, "Is this helpful? To whom?" A lawyer or a mystery writer might ask cui bono? (who benefits?) who benefits is the quickest way to determine a complaint from a criticism.

A complaint is something to be resolved. It invites redress: you complain that your soup is cold because you want the waiter to replace it with hot soup. So a complaint is primarily about you and your satisfaction. You feel you have a grievance. You are probably emotionally involved. You want to benefit from making the complaint.

Constructive criticism or 'feedback' is about the person about whom (and to whom) it is made. The best constructive criticism is disinterested. It doesn't serve our ends, it's just about helping the other person achieve a known or likely goal or objective.

Be wary of any 'feedback' that doesn't align with what you know of the person's intentions or goals. Telling a colleague their desk is really messy is unlikely to have a positive effect on either the desk or your relationship if your colleague couldn't care less that her desk is messy, and indeed has a history of producing her best work from a very 'messy' (ie. active) desk. Some criticism, however benignly meant, is still about us and our needs or wants. in this example, our need for our colleague's desk to be tidy!

If your colleague is having trouble finding important pieces of paper, and bemoans her inability to complete tasks in a timely fashion, she may welcome your tactful suggestions about keeping an orderly desk. Your constructive criticism is aligned with her goals.

Any time we want to criticize someone 'for their own good' we need to stop and count to eleventy-hundred. Chances are we just want to complain about them. Our complaint may even be justified, but it's not constructive criticism.

It's a general belief that most people 'can't take criticism'. I suspect that most people don't like being complained at and about. Sensing the emotional subtext, they suspect our motives, doubt our goodwill, and ignore the useful nugget buried in the spoil.

This is post 13 of 43 posts.
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