Monday, April 20, 2009

The Limits of Possibility

I'm learning a bit about the limits of possibility, just now.  I'm learning that some limits are reached more quickly than I'd like.  I'm learning that some limits are further away than I had imagined.

It's definitely forcing me to be more creative.

I'm focussing my music teaching on short courses and workshops.  As of today, I no longer offer regular, weekly lessons: which is a pretty radical departure for a suburban music teacher.  In finding a way to work that suit my constitution - think educational 'sprinter', rather than 'marathon runner' - I am also finding ways to work that create a niche market for my business.

Some choices don't seem to be very choice.  For a while there, I thought I'd either be giving up my day job completely - which made me miserable - or keep doing it and regularly make myself sick - which made me miserable.  I felt like I'd been smacked up the side of the head by the Limit of the Possible.  So I started wondering:  is it really so black and white?  It's true you can't be a little bit dead or a little bit pregnant, but everything else is up for grabs.

There are some certainties. My bank would like us to pay the mortgage, and since my husband already works hard enough already, there is a magic number I need to earn.  The other certainty is that sooner or later I'll have a bad migraine and need to take a day (or 3) off work.

After that, what if?  What if it were possible to have my cake, and eat it too?  What if I could teach everything I'm passionate about, but only sometimes? What if I had time to pursue other interests and skills? What if I want to stay home some days?  What if sometimes I like to work in the morning, and sometimes the evening?  What if I like to take regular breaks during my work day? What if I want to travel?

Asking the questions, led me to answers.  Some I liked, some I didn't.  So I asked more questions.

One question was, would I like to dip a toe back into my old work life? Is it possible to do a bit of telecommuting? No sooner did I ask this, than I was offered some freelance writing and editing from someone I used to work with.  It's demanding, but interesting, and its intermittent - that suits me just fine.  Even a few weeks earlier, I would have said, "No thanks" when this opportunity came up. I wouldn't have had the time.

I've been asked to run some Workshops overseas, too.  (Oooerr, let me think about that one.)

Six months ago, I had no idea this was where I would be.

I was at a party on the weekend, and someone - inevitably - asked me about work.  I told them roughly what I am up to, and they said, "It must be nice to be so creative and flexible.  It sounds great." 

Wow.  I had that moment where my life, which mostly seems muddled and ordinary to me, seemed enviable and exciting, seen through someone else's eyes.  Which it is:  ordinary and exciting, boring and enviable, muddled and planned.  Pretty much like yours is.

The limits of what's possible are usually a lot further out than our first thoughts tell us they are.  So keep looking, and keep asking questions.

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