When did 'no' become the starting point for a negotiation?

I'm now officially so old I might as well be dead. That means I'm not giving anything away when I tell you I came of age during the "no means no" public education campaign. In modern mating rituals, this still - officially - applies, but it's being eroded in other areas of social interaction.

Tell someone, "No." and watch them settle in to demolish your (un)reasonable objections. It's as if the word, 'no' is merely the invitation to commence a negotiation. When, in fact, it's a blunt denial.  I don't mean polite evasions: "Oh I'd love to, but…" or "we'll see…" or "I'll try…" I'm talking about a straight up, "No, thank you for asking."

Our freedom to say YES relies on our equal freedom to say NO in every area of social behaviour I can think of.  Most of us struggle to say an honest and appropriate no, so how free are we really?

This came to mind while I watched dogs and their owners. Dogs can be trained that no always means no.  Dogs can also be trained that no means "beg harder and then you'll get it". Young children work much the same way. Both can be found at your local park, a rich data bank for social research.

It's easy for a parent, under pressure, to say, "No!" which you may later regret as unreasonable. But do pause before you rush to reverse it. If you occasionally hold to an unreasonable no, you learn to think before you speak. Once you firmly establish that no means no - this will take a little while - you and the child both benefit.  You'll both spend less of your day negotiating for a start.

Dogs and people learn from experience. Regularly overturned 'no's' dilute the value of the word. I don't want to be strident in order to make my 'no's stick. Too often I have to be. And I really don't want to return to a social norm where a woman's 'no' was an invitation for the man to be more 'persuasive' (verbally, emotionally or even physically).