Kindness and control

It is easy to confuse kindness with control. It is hard to own our own shadier motivations, and keep our focus on all the outcomes, not just those that affect us.

It is often when we feel most virtuous, most righteous in our kindness that we are most in danger. The parent who smothers a beloved child's independence rejoices in keeping the child safe, protecting it from the results of unfortunate decisions.

The partner who 'runs interference', insulating their husband or wife from an importunate acquaintance or family member is pleased to offer such small and loving service and help to keep the peace.

We protect our loved ones from unpleasant realities, the consequences of their actions, and the risk of physical or emotional pain. In doing so we risk infantilising them, protecting them from opportunities to experience life in all it's complexity, to grow as individuals. We also keep them dependent on us, the kindly ones.

Today, ask yourself a difficult question: who in your life NEEDS you? Why do they need you? In what way are they incapable of caring for themselves? How much power or influence do you have over them on account of your kindness.

Whether giving or receiving, it's important to recognize the difference between kindness and control.

This is post 93 of 100 posts in 100 days.
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