Just say no.

We want what we want, there's no denying that. Except in very limited circumstances, we should not be made to feel ashamed of what we want. Yet so often we are, and so often that shame comes from outside ourselves. We're encouraged to feel ashamed for wanting what we're told we can't have, and implicitly shouldn't therefore want.

I watched some children having their faces painted. A child tried to draw Tired Parent's attention to the stand, looking wistful and hopeful all at once. Tired Parent frowned and said, "No." That's fine, parents can't always say yes. Motivated by guilt perhaps, at the child's fallen face, their evil genius prompted them to add, "What do you want to have them slop paint all over you anyway?" the child is now ashamed at having wanted it's face painted, and disappointed to not get it today or ever - the scorn in Tired Parent's face makes that clear.

So begins a lifetime of not only doing without what we want, but denying we ever wanted it in the first place. Boys who want to learn ballet, but play footy instead. Girls who like footy but transfer to hockey when they learn they're not supposed to play footy. Kids who 'hate art' because it's the fashion at their school. Spurned would-be lovers who are ridiculed for wanting someone who didn't reciprocate or not to the same degree.

I even hear adults do it with their friends: "Do you want to go and see Sex and the City 2?" one asks. Their 'friend' can't just say, "No thanks". It's the rider that's the killer: "wow! I can't believe you'd want to go see that!"

I think it's sometimes ego defence, we attempt to insulate ourselves from the disappointment of others by convincing ourselves they were wrong to want whatever it was we can't (or won't) give them/allow them to have. The next time you find yourself in this situation, just say no.

This is post 55 of 100 posts in 100 days.