Silence can say a lot.

Silence can say a lot. There are companionable silences or understanding silences, where nothing needs to be said. There are helpless silences or anxious silences, when we don't know what to say. There are angry silences, sullen silences, where we punish by withholding words. There are hurt silences or defeated silences, where we retreat from words. There is the dynamic silence of being alone in nature. There is the loud silence of being all alone inside yourself while others talk all around you. Or the silence when a group of people refuse to talk to you as a social sanction - what the British call 'being sent to Coventry'.

If you ask a question, and the other person doesn't answer, it's hard to tell whether that means they haven't heard, or they are refusing to answer. Silence can signify consent, when a group of friends says, "Let's all go to X restaurant," you are assumed to agree unless you make a counter-offer. You can encourage the other person in a conversation, whenever they run out of verbal steam, by simply smiling warmly and saying nothing.

Socially, silence can say, "I agree." Silence can say, "I have nothing to add." Silence can say, "I'm bored." Silence can - sometimes - say, "I'm fascinated" (just not as often as the unilateral conversationalists amongst us seem to think). Silence can say, "I think that might just have been the most fatuous statement I have ever heard" - but it says it politely, is unlikely to cause the speaker to bore on for another 30 minutes while they defend themself.

As someone who was once described as having been 'vaccinated with a gramophone needle' - mainly to cover shyness - I had to learn to respect and use silence. I encourage you to play around with silences deliberately, to gauge the effect they have on others, and on yourself.

This is post 25 of 100 posts in 100 days.